Comments on: Do you think this poem would be a good choice to submit for a fantasy anthology of poety?

By: miss cachette

miss cachette — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 15:33:59 +0000

It’s absolutely delightful. I really like it. Especially "when I finally told you that I had no real magic of my own".

I read it several times. Very sweet and soothing. A titch bittersweet.

Yes, yes, yes! You should submit it.

(Occulty understands poetry)
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By: Srsly

Srsly — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 15:26:59 +0000

(((TFT))) SUBMIT!!!!
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By: Schmecky 4-ever!

Schmecky 4-ever! — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 14:44:59 +0000

When I have doubts about what I have written, I put it away for at least a month before looking at it again. I find that forgetting about it allows me emotional distance from it that I need to evaluate it more objectively. My sense is that there is much more to say in this poem and that it is not finished yet. It has good flavor but is still a vignette. Keep at it because someone of your intelligence shouldn’t use all of her mind here in the Yamster’s big black hole…
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By: Prometheus Unbound

Prometheus Unbound — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 14:27:59 +0000

It is sweet and a little touching. You have nothing to lose. It is exceedingly difficult to be published today…I would submit it to as many publications as possible. Keep in mind for every acceptance, you’ll in all likelihood get 20 rejections, and artistic criticism can be devastating. Just keep at it. There is no doubt you can write.
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Writer with several years of writers block.

By: Freckles

Freckles — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 13:50:59 +0000

Seriousness from French Toast? Ha. Not used to it.
This is worthy of being submitted.
I like the whimsy of being just an average gal.
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By: Wacko Jacko

Wacko Jacko — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 13:45:59 +0000

I love the word ‘moonbeams’, including its singular form – a word worthy of remembering.
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By: IS - Idyllic Scribe.

IS - Idyllic Scribe. — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 13:08:59 +0000

I hope my editing doesn’t deter your creative expression.

~Pleiades ~
Do you remember the night?
When we sat looking down _(Together is redundant)
From the stars?
When I finally told you
I had no real magic; _ (real is an empty adjective)
(of my own is redundant)
that I, was just a normal girl.
You smiled and said:
We’d better be getting down.
You took my hand
And helped me walk
So I wouldn’t trip
Over the moon-beams.

That’s cute. The setting is abstract in a way that the reader finds it hard to imagine where it is taking place. In a daze of love, for sure. Its good for starters.
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By: Bree

Bree — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 12:53:59 +0000

its just kind of..
hm..
wats the word..?
blahh.
i like it.
but i dont really get the idea of it.
but send it in.
grreat job.
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By: Pistol Packin' Occulty

Pistol Packin' Occulty — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 12:21:59 +0000

SUBMIT!!!!

Did you know I have a 90,000 word novel that I’m just SITTING ON because I don’t have the balls to let an industry professional look at it?

SUBMIT!!!

The worst that can happen is that they’ll send you a form letter that says, "We are sorry to inform you that your material does not meet our current needs."

The best would be that they would publish you, and YOU WOULD BE ON YOUR WAY!

I’m not a big poetry guy, but I found the sentiments of your poem charming and bittersweet. It beats the shit out of a lot of the stuff people post here.

SUBMIT!!!!

EDIT:

I would star this, but I’m not sure you want the R&S smartass attention. But you already know how I feel about your writing…

EDIT:

I’m going to respectfully disagree with Idyllic Scribe. ‘real magic of my own’ works for me. It alludes to the existence of true magic and illusory magic. The person in the poem is acknowledging that ‘real’ magic exists and that a sort of illusory magic also exists. And that while she may possess the illusory sort, and while she may experience the true sort, she does not believe she possesses the true magic within herself. (I’m obviously reading this poem to be a female speaking to a man)

At the same time, She IS experiencing true magic, or how else would she be up among the stars? The man seems to possess the real magic, in the eyes of the woman in the poem (to me, anyway) because he is the one who leads her back down to earth, who holds her hand and guides her back down.

so I felt that eliminating the phrase ‘real magic of my own’ would actually harm the romantic quality of the poem. It would simplify it and rob it of some of the melancholy undertone.

Just my opinion, of course.
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By: PawPaw Eats Oats

PawPaw Eats Oats — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 11:56:59 +0000

its beautiful my dear....change 1 line, make it: "And you smiled and said that I had better go down on you then."
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